My funny bone...

I like to laugh as much as the next one does, due to the abnormally quiet time I have been having at work, I have decided to add my favoriate postings from "Words that should be in the EMS dictionary, but aren't"

Apathitis: n. An inflammation of the apathy organ. Symptoms include pronounced lack of caring about patients, who are often referred to by their symptom and room number, e.g. "GI bleed in room 6.” Condition can be chronic as is seen in individuals working in the ED for too many years, or in EMS staff at around the 20th hour of a 24-hour shift. Treatment for chronic cases is retirement. For recurrent acute cases, evidence-based treatment includes vacation to locations serving drinks with little umbrellas in them

Cement Poisoning: n. Poisoning introduced transdermally via deceleration syndrome. In most cases, potency is directly proportional to the number of floors the victim fell.

Abracadaver: n. Patient in a back-and-forth, up-and-down ACLS scenario. Example: "OK, he's coded." "Wait, I have a pulse." "OK, then start CPR." "Is that asystole or fine V-fib?"

Hospitalis proximitus: n. Condition in which a patient's health mysteriously deteriorates the closer you get to the hospital; usually accompanied with loud wailing, moaning and writhing as you stroll into the ED.

Glasserations: n. Term used to describe the numerous lacerations caused by fragments of a tempered-glass window after it has been broken during an MVC. Example: The patient complains of a headache, has a hematoma to the forehead and numerous glasserations to the upper extremities.

HWAJAMA: acronym. (huh-WA-jam-a) He Was All right Just A Minute Ago. Often used by an EMS crew when the ED staff notices the patient on your stretcher is not breathing well, if at all, while the crew is chatting and waiting for a bed assignment. Also used in reference to the provider who frequently has these types of train-wreck patients (aka, a black cloud provider).

PMD: acronym. Paramedic Mechanical Disassociation. Syndrome associated with desire to implement ALS procedures prior to handling key BLS functions, such as airway positioning, suctioning, stopping bleeding and other non-glamorous skills. Usually associated with “newbie syndrome.”

The Stare of Life: n. Upon arrival, you find a crowd of “First Responders” doing this effective brand of patient care.

Gravity Attack: n. An occurrence during which one's ability to normally move about is overcome by a sudden increase in the force of gravity on their body. Can affect any age patient but is most common in the residents of elderly care facilities during the early morning hours or just before the end of your shift.

Hope you enjoyed them as much as I did!!!